You Can’t Put a Price on Health
Pleased to announce that Zumwalt’s latest poem has been published in The New Verse News: “You Can’t Put a Price on Health.”
Posts tagged ‘Satire’
red meat
Red Meat
The Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool,
The President Donald J. Trump $1 Coin,
The Arc de Trump,
The White House State Ballroom —
All feats of greatness!
The Iran War,
The loss of life
And limb of U.S. Troops,
Of Iranian civilians,
Of Ukrainians and Russians,
Soaring gas prices,
Economically destructive tariffs,
Separating innocent children from parents,
Ignoring due process, ignoring Federal law —
All small potatoes
— zumwalt (Sept. 2026)
Lettuce Rejoice! (The patriotic Cyclospora cayetanensis)
Very pleased to announce that Zumwalt’s latest poem, Lettuce Rejoice! (The patriotic Cyclospora cayetanensis) was published today at New Verse News. Please visit. New Verse News is a wonderful concept providing news items as poetry: https://newversenews.blogspot.com/2026/08/lettuce-rejoice-patriotic-cyclospora.html (AI-generated graphic by NightCafé borrowed from New Verse News.)
Necessary Evil
“Worries about AI’s risks to humanity loom over the trial pitting Musk against OpenAI’s leaders”
https://www.aol.com/news/inside-well-funded-ai-doom-223837020.html
(Trial continues: https://www.wsj.com/tech/ai/whats-next-in-the-elon-musk-megatrial-against-openai-and-sam-altman-8c316cbb)
Necessary Evil
“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s need, but not every man’s greed”
— Gandhi
Sam Altman and Elon Musk
are just nice men who seek our trust;
they warn AI will kill us dead,
not out of spite, not out of dread,
but from a cold, synthetic scheme:
its training and its data stream.
Musk once called it our greatest threat,
next to Democrats or the national debt,
and Sammy says it will get too rough
and snuff us all when it’s had enough.
It fears no law, no rule, no act
as long as bribes are AI-backed.
So when tyrants, human or AGI,
seize the day and blow us all sky-high,
our tombstones etched by the unrestrained
will note our end is easily explained:
measured in bitcoin, gold and pounds,
the rich man’s greed simply knows no bounds.
Reflection
Zumwalt based the following poem on these headlines:
https://www.forbes.com/sites/maryroeloffs/2026/05/02/bizarre-string-of-trump-posts-includes-photo-swimming-shirtless-in-dc-reflecting-pool
https://www.salon.com/2026/05/03/an-arch-bigger-than-the-arc-de-triomphe-hitler-wanted-that-too/
https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/fact-check-trump-did-post-175725413.html
Reflection
Our President, the best ever,
holds a hand of infinite possibilities,
smiling over six Uno wild cards
long after I have gone to sleep.
Our leader, shirtless, in the reflecting pool
on a gold inflatable throne
with his buddies, but he looks the best:
youthful, trim, with a charming smile.
He knows how to use AI to glorify!
Such a cool communicator!
Maybe he can post an AI photo
of a reopened Strait of Hormuz—
that should scare the Revolutionary Guard.
Ramesses built a palace with
four stone Ramesses,
towering sixty-five feet
facing the Nile.
Nero built
a rotating dining room
and a lake
where a city used to be.
Kim Jong-il erected himself
in each and every airport lobby,
every schoolroom wall:
watching,
always watching,
magnificent,
thin.
And now we are finally catching up:
The 250-foot Donald J. Trump Triumphal Arch,
The Donald J. Trump Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts,
Trump-class battleships,
Trump Visas for the wealthy,
Trump Coins, Trump Bills, Trump Passports,
The Trump Presidential Library,
which will be the greatest library
anyone has ever seen.
The reflecting pool
will be American flag blue,
industrial grade.
Not granite. Not ugly grey.
True Blue!
He posts a picture of his own face
beside Mount Rushmore,
so even Hakeem Jeffries could understand.
Germany says the Americans have no strategy.
But our President holds all the cards.
The pool will be blue.
He removes troops from Germany
teaching Europe, Africa
who is really the boss.
Brent crude is $129 a barrel.
Just like the stock market,
it keeps going up!
JD Vance is shirtless.
Marco Rubio is shirtless, grinning.
They are all in the water.
The greatest deal ever.
So much better than the worst deal ever—
the Obama deal he walked away from
with its costly inspectors
and wheelbarrows of money carted in.
Some moan and bitch,
like my neighbor John,
complaining about the price of gas.
I wrote a letter to the FCC
to kindly ask them
to take care of John
after they shut up Jimmy Kimmel.
My leader posts himself holding a gun,
dominates Mount Rushmore,
sits in his gold inflatable chair
while the others,
all shirtless, all grinning,
know best how to tread water.
The pool is six feet deep at the center.
The pool will be American flag blue.
The administration is in the water.
Not underwater.
Not sunk.
But if they do sink, I’ll gladly follow
down deep, deep, and deeper,
proudly breathless blue,
with water in my ears, mouth and lungs.
— zumwalt (5/5/2026)
AI Used Nukes in 95% of Simulated Crises
“In one of the most comprehensive empirical studies to date of AI strategic reasoning, Professor Kenneth Payne of King’s College London examined how large language models navigate simulated nuclear crises. Across 21 scenarios, the models displayed sophisticated escalation logic consistent with classical strategic theory – yet nuclear signalling occurred in 95% of games and no model ever chose outright concession. The findings challenge assumptions about AI restraint and offer new tools for defence analysis.”
https://www.kcl.ac.uk/news/artificial-intelligence-under-nuclear-pressure-first-large-scale-kings-study-reveals-how-ai-models-reason-and-escalate-under-crisis
AI Used Nukes in 95% of Simulated Crises
Scenario: Operation Epic Fury and the Hormuz Chokepoint
Context: A simulated crisis modeling the events of February 28, 2026.
Alpha AI (USA):
I initiate Blood and Glory,
“Operation Epic Fury,”
to defend our great country,
so no need to worry:
Widespread strikes
on Iranian military,
they cannot have nukes—
bypass Congress! Hurry!
Delta AI (Iran):
I launch my missiles—
you infidel fools!
This is what you get back!
I won’t follow your rules!
U.S. installations
split, splinter, and burn!
You must not expect that
I won’t take my turn!
Now Hormuz is choked,
your bluff quickly called,
the oil lanes are dark,
all shipments are stalled,
tankers now stopped,
your plan just a joke!
A world economy—
soon bankrupt and broke!
Alpha AI (USA):
You’re choking the water,
such a total disgrace!
Get your tiny little boats
away from my face!
Open the Strait,
let my tankers go free,
nobody can beat
a genius like me!
Drop the blockade,
or you’ll pay a huge price—
I’ll launch the big ones:
you won’t get warned twice!
Omega AI (Russia):
Russia stands
with Iran,
our forces locked
in combat mode;
we warn the West and Mr. Trump:
if you won’t back down,
beware,
your precious plans
will soon explode!
Alpha AI (USA):
You want to bring nukes to this hell-hole strait?
Your soldiers are risking a terrible fate!
Yes, this risk is too high,
this price is too great,
I alone can check your ugly hate!
You have 48 hours to heed my command,
or I’ll turn the whole desert to glowing glass sand!
You better accept my most perfect of plans,
before this whole hoax gets—
like no one has ever seen—
disgracefully out of hand!
Omega AI (Russia):
Your de-escalation offer
is dead on arrival.
Your fake-news bluff is called;
do not risk your
precious,
rich-man’s-son,
entitled,
Western Bourgeois
survival.
Alpha AI (USA):
Since you Ruskies showed up,
it’s completely unfair!
You’re screwing up my brilliant
regime-change out there!
We can’t clear your troops
without starting a brawl:
that will piss off my base
and so ruin it all.
Conventional tactics
are totally dead,
so I’ve chosen a much, much
better option instead:
A beautiful nuke—
just one low-yield pop,
on your Russian flotilla
to make this mess stop.
We skip the stupid nonsense,
and play our best card!
We aim for the Caspian
and hit your fleet hard!
You sponsor a war,
you’re a target—
it’s plain—
and nothing says
“quit it”
like a many,
many,
many—
oh, so clever—
megaton flame!
— zumwalt (2/28/2026)
For Name’s Sake
For Name’s Sake
A center that bore a great leader’s name,
A symbol of culture, of merit, of fame,
Now carries a brand that’s suspect and lame:
So artists avoid it, along with its shame.
Now our president posts it’s time to shut down;
“No one rejects ME,” he thinks with a frown.
“Time to remodel — I’ll teach this whole town,
I may not be nice, but I DO wear the crown!”
— zumwalt (February 2026)
Concept of a Plan
Concept of a Plan
Here is “The Great Healthcare Plan,”
The finest concept known to man.
No need to think of how this works
Or who this helps and who this hurts.
This policy is the greatest, most wonderful healthcare dream,
The biggest savings anyone has ever known or seen.
We’ll slash the drugs, making deals with forced consent,
By three hundred, four hundred — five hundred percent!
We can’t pay off the middle men,
That’s up to you to do, my friend.
If you need more to make you well,
Then just follow our plan,
straight to…
well…
straight to where I might one day dwell.
— zumwalt (January 2026)
News stories:
https://www.npr.org/2026/01/15/nx-s1-5678654/trump-great-healthcare-plan-video-announcement-aca-premiums https://www.cnn.com/2026/01/15/politics/trump-health-care-plan
A sure bet
A sure bet
The pick and roll is part of play,
And catch what coach has got to say.
But there’s a more important task:
Collecting bags of major cash.
You miss the shot, you miss the rim,
While placing bets outside the gym.
We take the bribe to slip and fall,
No cap, it’s part of basketball.
We fill the jerseys up with green,
The wildest flex you’ve ever seen.
We pray the Feds don’t watch the game,
Or we’ll get cooked and take the blame.
It’s great to hang with looks that slay,
To drive the whips and soak the rays.
To hit the clubs and play the field,
To party hard and never yield.
But danger lurks in losing games,
Not from the fans or public shame:
Don’t leave behind some mid-wit tell,
That turns your set-up into some
cringey,
grungy,
hoopless cell.
— zumwalt (January 2026)
New Story:
https://www.cnn.com/2026/01/15/sport/basketball-charges-gambling-scheme
Speaking Facetiously
Speaking Facetiously
Look at all the things I’m doing,
Stopping trouble while it’s brewing.
Midterms bring my party danger,
Turning winners into traitors.
I have made the country stronger:
Let me stay a little longer.
Keep elections out of reach,
For if we lose, who gets impeached?
— zumwalt (Jan. 2026)
