Zumwalt Poems Online

Posts tagged ‘humor’

Hands Off, Bob Avakian!

Hands Off, Bob Avakian!

Shuffling
— In dark and dank
Howling
— A dialectic chant.

Genuflect to the rotund Mongol
Take, eat
This is my body
Of confusing, Confucian
Union by laws.
“Forgive me, Dad:
            I did a Tenzing Norgay
            On the north gate of the White House.”
“Ego te absolvo –
            You did it for the proles.”

— Zumwalt (1981)

keptomania

keptomania

gather all that gathers up
To grab for good as gravy should be grabbed
To claim one’s stake for keeping sake
and reserve away from all

greed and gluttony strapped in gunnysack
gimply put away all the wayward weighs
wasted once and recycled past

kept pets,
kept toys,
kept keys to control access

slaves, maids,
husbands, wives,
siblings, offspring
access to premium cable

I seize the day and don’t let go
I am stuck in the ultra-glare of the sun
we are at a standoff
I must have it
but it hides soon enough
hurried away by the horizon

the thief
like the state
thinks nothing is ours

the state
like the thief
wants it all
until ours is nothing

I control the corner
when I step out of
the crosswalk lines
I watch how the cars
must veer away

should we go for it all
or issue stop losses
trailing furtively at the underbelly of bollinger bands?

grace and forgiveness
get in the way of my layaway plan
I put something down
and say it’s mine

keep it
keep up
keep going
keep alive
keep quiet

keep house
keep around
keep open
keep close
keep away

keep at it
keep up with
keep in touch
keep me in mind

keep busy
keep track
keep on truckin’
keep a tune

keep good counsel
keep your independence
keep your word
keep you from harm

keep regular hours
keep the right time
keep up appearances
keep appointments

keep the peace
keep the law
keep good company
keep the ball rolling
keep a secret
keep the correct time

keep them in sight
keep your cool
keep your powder dry
keep your hat on
keep your mouth shut
keep your hands off
keep an eye out
keep at arm’s length
keep your nose clean
keep a stiff upper lip
keep a close watch

keep the car running
keep the dogs out

keep the faith
keep the commandments
keep the sabbath

keep the straight and narrow
keep them on the edge of their seats
keep them against their will
keep the wolf from the door

keep down a good man
keep it in your pants
keep it together
keep the change

keep me company
keep me posted
keep me going
keep what we have

keep it away
keep it in good taste
keep it moving along

keep the prize
keep it all
keep what you can
keep what’s left
keep deluding yourself
that you only own what you have
and you only have what you own
keeping one thought all along
and keeping for keeps
(both liked and unliked,
marked up, marked down,
taken, unlocked,
cracked, hacked and uncaulked,
packages, kits, kilts, kippers, woks and yaks,
hooks, corks, kimonos, kimchee, caskets and casks,
books, backpacks, rakes, cakes, and wrinkled,
crinkled tickets for the clack-clack rackety tracks of oft-mocked,
poky,
flaky,
shaking,
creaking,
slinking,
sinking, red-inking,
budget-breaking Amtrak)
keepsakes for the sake of keeping

— Zumwalt (2011)

Two Decade Hangover

Two Decade Hangover

An oscillating madness
Like the twenty-year howl
Of impotent hyenas—
Shrill
Shrieking
Schlock—
Blows the encumbering cobwebs
And reveals the
Fundamental dry rot.
Crewcuts
Brylcream
Primal chords
Jerk the memories and mores
Back to the visceral
Atavistic anarchy
Spotlighting Spengler
             As an optimist.

— Zumwalt (1981)

The Sassoon Collection: viii. Middle Age

The Sassoon Collection

viii. Middle Age

I heard a creak, and a groan
And felt a twinge of wooden pain
A man running in a crowd
Deep in its shadow he moved.
‘Ugly work!’ thought I,
Gasping for breath.
‘Time must be cruel and proud,
‘Tearing down this body.’

With gutsy glimmering shone
my dignity as the wind grew colder.
This aging man jogs over the hill,
Bent to make the grade
‘There is no gain without further pain’…
Sluggishly passing the trees.
Aches in the joints were shrill,
As unmeasured steps sank into the hard asphalt.

— Zumwalt (2011)

Copyright © 2011

The Sassoon Collection: vi. The imperfect cook

The Sassoon Collection

vi. The imperfect cook

I never ordered something to be perfect,
Though often I’ve asked for fiery spicy or without sugar as a small invasion
Of mastering cooking.

I never asked that your dishes
Might stand, unburnt, moist and savory
Pointing the way toward gastronomical peaks like a sign-post.

Oh yes, I know the way to the heart is easy.
We found the little menu of our passion
That all can share who walk the road of gourmands.
In wild and succulent feasting we stumbled;
And sweet, sour, bitter, salty and spicy senses.

But I’ve grown sated now. And you have lost
Your early-morning freshness of surprise
At creating new dishes.  You’ve learned to fear
The gloomy, stricken places in my stomach
And the occasional indigestion that haunts me later.

You made me fat; and I can still return
for seconds, the haven of my lonely pride:
But I am sworn to partake of variety
the blossom from invention and disparate exploration
And there shall be no follow-up in a failure;
Since, if we ate like beasts, the plates are clean
And I’ll not redirect portions of portions to pets under the table.

You dream endless assemblies of culinary masterpieces
Yet, in my heart, I dread average results
But, should you grow to hate my critiques, I would ask
No mercy from your feelings. I’d have you turn from the stove
And look me in the eyes, and laugh, and suggest take-out.

Then I should know, at least, that taste prevailed
Though flavor had died of wounds. And you could leave me
unfamished in an atmosphere of ongoing appetite.

— Zumwalt (2011)

Copyright © 2011

In contest with a hippopotamus

In contest with a hippopotamus

me and the hippo
race
to lose weight
at such a frantic yet erratic pace

me and the fruit fly vie
to try to not age
to postpone the next stage
to delay each and every turn of every single page

Hey babe! What? I’m staying away from the eggs.
And the butter.
So don’t stay away from me.

Hey boy! Look — I am not old.
I expect to send tingles down your spine,
not receive a courteous nod like you’d give to your great-grandmother
several years after she’s been buried.

Gee.

This dog I have smells.
No bath rids the odor.
No change of diet freshens the breath.
The only remaining option is to the change the dog
for I am getting tired of changing the carpet.

me and the sunset
will meet again
at some appointed time
until then I compete against the shadow it causes the body to cast
seeking any remaining light while vanishing in the darkness

— Zumwalt (May 1991)

Reposted for dVerse challenge: http://dversepoets.com/2011/11/19/poetics-changes/

The Sassoon Collection: iv. Butter and Eggs

The Sassoon Collection

iv. Butter and eggs

Robust diners, deftly forking in the fat.
O no longer living triglycerides against the heedless tongue
Of buffet and banquet days, what sends them gliding through
This set of dancing teeth?

Theirs are the hungry cadences between
The enraptured chewing of hefty humans that make
Heaven in the booth while second helpings simmer;
And theirs the faintest whispers that hush the desire.

And they are as a released soul that wings its way
Out of the starlit dimness above the moon
And they are the largest beings — born
To know but this, the phantom glare of fullness.

— Zumwalt (2011)

Copyright © 2011

The Sassoon Collection: ii. A pickle and a black hole

The Sassoon Collection

ii. A pickle and a black hole

Mass and form had the pickle, sweet, sour, tall and straight;
The round black hole collapsing still further then it knew
Made its longest shadow with gravity
A ghostly bridge ’twixt the pickle and space.
But stars, with their continuous day, must pass;
And blustering winds will stretch all gherkins
to which I’ve no measurements to express
the moment of conjunction,
a singularity with no exit
for stars and pickled cucumbers alike.

— Zumwalt (2011)

The Sassoon Collection: v. Auto Tunes

The Sassoon Collection

v. Auto Tunes

I keep such music in my car
No din this side of death can quell;
Deep bass booming over tar,
And excess forged in death-metal hell.

My dreaming demons will not hear
The roar of guns that would destroy
My life that no gleeful gloom can fear
Proud-surging passages of painful joy.

To the world’s end I drove, and found
Death in his carnival of hidden stash;
But in this torrent I was drowned,
And music screeched above
the fiendishly beatific
headlight-lit
fiber-glass,
glittering, splintering,
metalliferous crash.

— Zumwalt (2011)

WordPress Sampler (choiceposts.wordpress.com)

In visiting various WordPress sites, I am enormously impressed by the diversity and general quality of content out there. It is a particular pleasure to read so many original and colorful poems.

After spending some additional time quietly but rapidly exploring (no posts, no likes, etc.) it seemed that it would be nice if there was a “sampler” available of the best posts of the various WordPress sites. I found pages like WordPress’s own Blogs of the Day and various “Best Blog” sites, but I couldn’t find any true sampler blogs. I have decided to launch a WordPress blog dedicated to showcasing the very best post of anyone interested in participating.

The approach is, at least on the surface, pretty simple.

Anyone interested choses exactly one post from their site they wish to have represented on the new CHOICE POSTS  blog. They may chose the post they think is their best, that their readers like the best, that best represents the nature of their blog, etc.

They then email the HTML, Text and any associated images of their representative post to choiceposts@gmail.com plus the link for that post plus four additional links and associated names of four other posts they would like to have referenced. This allows the site administrator to re-assemble this post to match (or at least be similar to) what is on the original site.

It is very important that the Category of the Post is specified such as one of the categories found on the WordPress Tag Page. This will allow readers of CHOICE POSTS to easily browse along their lines of interest and help match readers to blog sites.

In addition, author should submit any additional information they wish to be included about their site and/or themselves which will be included in the post. Author name (real or not real) can also be included. For example, after administration team assembles information provided on email, the resulting post in choiceposts.wordpress.com could look something like:

Poet_Don’t_Knowit is the author of the site “POETRY ON THE RUN”

Poem of the Approaching Autumn (Link1)

I love fall
It whispers in my ear
Like paint drying.

Additional Posts from “POETRY ON THE RUN”
 Poem of Spring (Link2)
 Poem of Winter (Link3)
 Poem of Summer (Link4)
 Poem of Fall (Link5)

[Category: Poems]

(Added 9/26: For very understandable reasons, some participants may wish to just provide link of their “best post” since the look of their site is different than what is at choiceposts.wordpress.com. In this case they just need to provide introductory text about their site and/or themselves and the link of the “best post” and up to four other links to other posts on their WordPress site.)

The CHOICE POSTS admin team will initially post a few of these a week, pretty much trying to post in the order of submissions received until a backlog develops. At that point, some process will be used to select only a portion of the posts submitted — either random selection, selection based on quality, variety and other characteristics or a hybrid approach.

Someone who has had a entry posted on CHOICE POSTS may later feel they wish another post to represent their site. If this happens, and enough time has passed (six months), then they can email a new submission for posting to CHOICE POSTS, indicating whether they want the earlier submission kept or deleted.

All posts and links must be from WordPress sites.  Some constraint is needed and this just makes administratipon easier.  The universe of WordPress itself  is pretty big and way too big for this one project.  In addition, I feel some loyality to WordPress from the short time (3 months) that I have been here.  I like the ease of use, the ability to connect to other users, the sense of community and the flexibility and convenience.

Submitted content should be suited for general audiences with the CHOICE POSTS Admin Team selecting Posts they think acceptable for a “G” or “PG” audience.

Speaking of ratings, please do not rate this post since the “star” ratings are automatically leveraged to identify the best liked poems on the site.

I will leave this post here for a few days before posting the next Zumwalt Poem. Since I will put a similar post out on the CHOICE POSTS  blog, I may delete the version of the post here once enough people have read it.

I want to take a moment to thank all that visit this site, particularly those that take the time to comment, “like” or rate the various Zumwalt poems. It is a pleasure for me to posts these poems, and an even greater pleasure to know that others can read, are reading them and, in many cases, enjoying them.

Best,

zumpoems.com Administrator

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