Very pleased to announce that Zumwalt’s latest poem, Lettuce Rejoice! (The patriotic Cyclospora cayetanensis) was published today at New Verse News. Please visit. New Verse News is a wonderful concept providing news items as poetry: https://newversenews.blogspot.com/2026/08/lettuce-rejoice-patriotic-cyclospora.html (AI-generated graphic by NightCafé borrowed from New Verse News.)
In This Corner
Weighing in at 140 pounds and dwindling,
barely five-foot-something,
known for their work ethic,
is 92% of the American population,
some angry, some brainwashed,
some apathetic, some simply perplexed:
Let’s hear it for the Plebs!!!
Weighing in at —
excuse me, ladies and gentlemen,
I’ve just been informed
that weight is not public information —
weighing in at undisclosed,
holding 80% of wealth in the stock market,
ever increasing in size and influence,
are America’s billionaires,
hungry for any additional victory they can achieve:
Let’s hear it for the Modern Monarchs!
The bell rings!
Before a single Pleb can protest,
the Modern Monarchs surgically start to remove
sensible regulations protecting the Plebs.
The jab lands clean
before the Plebs can parry.
The Monarchs taunt,
and rapidly shift to
Public Policy Tilting,
cutting funds for infrastructure,
environmental protection,
healthcare and education,
world health and food programs,
dissolving USAID.
What a show from the Monarchs:
They duck, pivot, bob and wave
with their effective cross-arm defense
and their backsteps against fair taxation,
leaving the confused Plebs bewildered,
exhausted, holding the proverbial bag,
sinking to the canvas from its weight.
The Plebs are tough and get to their feet!
The Plebs square off again
with the start of a one-two combination,
but the Monarchs slip and roll
defending with legal leverage,
using lawfare to swamp the Plebs,
brandishing immunity regulations,
delaying accountability,
countering and elbow blocking
the IRS from pursuing audits,
withholding money rightfully owed to the Plebs!
The Plebs are stunned,
groggy, wobbling, staggering,
but hanging in there
dishing out a $5 million penalty for fraud!
The Monarchs pull and counter
with identical twins
turning that 2022 lawsuit
from the Commodity Futures Trading Commission
into an apology,
and a stunning reversal
in favor of this Trump 2024 Campaign donor twosome!
The Monarchs are dominating this contest.
Let’s be honest, folks: the Plebs have no chance!
The Monarchs, trained by the most expensive personal trainers,
are 4000 times more likely to hold political office than the Plebs,
and have the means to influence what they don’t hold,
putting these Plebs at an insurmountable disadvantage!
The Monarchs trade in favors:
a bill for a check,
another seat in their pocket.
The bell rings to end round one.
The Plebs glance at their corner,
but there is no stool,
no medical attention,
all of their allocated funds
invested in gold stools
for the Modern Monarchs.
The bell for round two rings.
The Plebs valiantly face the Monarchs again!
The Monarchs cuff, clip, smash,
throwing haymakers at will!!!
How can the Plebs remain standing?
The Monarchs brazenly pound contributions
at Congressmen, Senators,
at local representatives:
for every cent landed
dollars are reaped!
The Plebs attempt to counter with a $47 donation.
The swing is wild, but they keep swinging:
Monarchs laughing off the few weak punches that land.
The Plebs remind the Monarchs
that the Plebs paid for the arena,
for the seats,
for the ring!
The Monarchs remind the Plebs
who paid for the referee!!!
The Plebs continue to sway,
left to right,
right to left,
with no apparent sense of direction.
The ref takes a well-deserved nap.
The Monarchs brandish weapons:
inflating slabs of beef,
gas pump handles,
coffee cans, medical bills,
overdue rent, credit reports.
Pugilistically, the Plebs are in a deep deficit,
unable to fight back the endless inflation.
The Monarchs land another uppercut and another!
An endless flurry of complaints
rains down on the Plebs’ credit profiles!
The Plebs are buckling at the knees
but still keep to their feet!
A brutal combination from the Monarchs!
Stop-work orders straight to the jaw!
Supervisory exams — closed!
Twenty-two pending actions against the banks — dropped!
And a solar plexus punch to finish the round:
fifteen hundred regulators dismissed in a single afternoon!
Ladies and Gentlemen,
this is absolutely astonishing:
The Plebs have lost billions and billions
since the match has begun—
and yet—
are miraculously holding on!
Folks, it’s clear:
the Monarchs look to end this match—
but—
the Plebs refuse to go down for the count.
On cue,
the referee
comes between
the Plebs and the Monarchs,
halts the match,
holds up two fingers
in front of the Plebs—
and lands a three-punch combo,
followed by a kidney punch,
sending the Plebs to the floor!
The count begins.
Half the arena,
Plebs themselves,
join the count,
cheering wildly!
The crowd certainly looks pleased!
Their pockets may be empty
but this once-in-a-lifetime entertainment
allowed them to root for a real winner!
— zumwalt (05 2026)
News Article: https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/fact-checking-trumps-claim-that-iran-has-tomahawk-missiles (March 10, 2026)
Reporter: “Why are you the only person saying this?”
Trump: “Because I just don’t know enough about it.”
Executive Privilege
While some say the president ain’t quite fit,
And others are worried or don’t care one bit,
We all must take note when he dares to admit:
“Because, I just don’t know enough about it.”
Proving he’s knee-deep in his own brand of s**t.
News Article: https://www.cnbc.com/2026/03/10/iran-war-trump-russia-intelligence-witkoff.html (March 10, 2026)
Russian leaders in a call with President Donald Trump on Monday denied allegations that they are sharing intelligence with Iran during the war, U.S. Special Envoy Steve Witkoff said.
“So, you know, we can take them at their word,” Witkoff told CNBC’s “Money Movers” during an interview on Tuesday. “Let’s hope that they’re not sharing.”
Honestly, Believe Me
There is nothing quite as stupidly absurd
As any leader taking despots at their word.
Plight of the Iguanas
These reptiles that thrive in the heat
Fall frigid and plop at our feet.
From branches they’re dropping,
And from rooftops they’re flopping,
But at least we’ll have something to eat!
For Name’s Sake
A center that bore a great leader’s name,
A symbol of culture, of merit, of fame,
Now carries a brand that’s suspect and lame:
So artists avoid it, along with its shame.
Now our president posts it’s time to shut down;
“No one rejects ME,” he thinks with a frown.
“Time to remodel — I’ll teach this whole town,
I may not be nice, but I DO wear the crown!”
— zumwalt (February 2026)
Concept of a Plan
Here is “The Great Healthcare Plan,”
The finest concept known to man.
No need to think of how this works
Or who this helps and who this hurts.
This policy is the greatest, most wonderful healthcare dream,
The biggest savings anyone has ever known or seen.
We’ll slash the drugs, making deals with forced consent,
By three hundred, four hundred — five hundred percent!
We can’t pay off the middle men,
That’s up to you to do, my friend.
If you need more to make you well,
Then just follow our plan,
straight to…
well…
straight to where I might one day dwell.
— zumwalt (January 2026)
News stories:
https://www.npr.org/2026/01/15/nx-s1-5678654/trump-great-healthcare-plan-video-announcement-aca-premiums https://www.cnn.com/2026/01/15/politics/trump-health-care-plan
A sure bet
The pick and roll is part of play,
And catch what coach has got to say.
But there’s a more important task:
Collecting bags of major cash.
You miss the shot, you miss the rim,
While placing bets outside the gym.
We take the bribe to slip and fall,
No cap, it’s part of basketball.
We fill the jerseys up with green,
The wildest flex you’ve ever seen.
We pray the Feds don’t watch the game,
Or we’ll get cooked and take the blame.
It’s great to hang with looks that slay,
To drive the whips and soak the rays.
To hit the clubs and play the field,
To party hard and never yield.
But danger lurks in losing games,
Not from the fans or public shame:
Don’t leave behind some mid-wit tell,
That turns your set-up into some
cringey,
grungy,
hoopless cell.
— zumwalt (January 2026)
New Story:
https://www.cnn.com/2026/01/15/sport/basketball-charges-gambling-scheme
With apologies to Emily and the DOJ
Release the files but just in part —
Deception’s Pathway lies
Too raw for Headline’s hungry Spark
The whole would scandalize
As Cards dealt from some hidden Deck
With watching eyes confined
The Truth must flame out gradually
To hide the Guilt entwined —
–zumwalt (2025)
News event: “At least 15 files that were released by the Justice Department Friday were no longer available on the department’s website on Saturday.”
Reference: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/at-least-15-newly-released-epstein-files-have-disappeared-from-justice-departments-website/
Updated Dump
They loaded files on Friday night,
Though not the total lot;
The press was vexed by partial truths
But that is what we got.
On Saturday fifteen were gone —
One noticed from before:
A president in gilded frame —
A photo in a drawer.
What this all means to common folk
Escapes my simple mind
When wealth can build a mighty wall
That shields them from their crime —
And if a few are put in jail
That does us little good
For those that still control the wealth
Will raise the price of food.
The message here is pretty clear
And one that fits my rhyme
That money spent judiciously
Protects —
even the damnedest —
most despicable —
devils of our time.
— zumwalt (2025)
