Zumwalt Poems Online

This is a real treat! Leo the Deacon is providing the content for this month’s Fifty Year Friday!

Steely Dan:  The Royal Scam

Is there anything more cliché than a graying, white male boomer from SoCal waxing panegyrical in a review of Steely Dan? It is so spot on, that one would expect Donald Fagan and Walter Becker—were Becker not dead and Fagan not retired to upstate New York—to turn their sardonic gaze on the phenomenon and pen some brilliantly snarky song about it. Perhaps a sort of updated version of “Show Biz Kids” from Countdown to Ecstasy,  except in this case they would be sneering at “Show Biz Geezers”  with their “Steely Dan T-Shirt.”

Guilty as charged. I have the Steely Dan T-Shirt—two, actually—but I was never especially “show biz;” just another reasonably well-off scion of the Orange County petit bourgeoisie. But, like Donald Fagan and Walter Becker—both scions of reasonably well-off families from the ‘burbs of New York City—I never felt quite in sync with the 1960s-1970s zeitgeist. The founders of Steely Dan, instead of grooving to the Summer of Love, took their inspiration from the decade before the ‘60s and the writings of the Beat generation, alienated and immersed in the seedier aspects of American life. Thus it was that when Steely Dan began working their wry, disdainful lyrics into pop/rock music in the 1970s, with each successive album incrementally more jazz-inflected and impeccably polished, I was hooked. The Royal Scam, Steely Dan’s fifth album, showcases the multiple appeals of the group, and in particular their aloof, superior, and twisted take on American society in an especially vapid decade.

Reviews at the time of Royal Scam’s release differed on the merit of the album;   all, however, agreed that The Royal Scam was Steely Dan’s darkest, most cynical album to date. And to be sure, there is more than a soupçon of cynicism to be found in such songs as “Kid Charlemagne,” the eponymous “The Royal Scam,” and the wickedly sardonic “Haitian Divorce.”   A detached cynicism, after all, was the band’s signature take on the world. But dark? Darkness perhaps is in the eye—the ear?—of the beholder. On their second album, Countdown to Ecstasy, Steely Dan included a snappy little number on nuclear apocalypse, “King of the World”—not exactly a sunny topic. Katy Lied, Steely Dan’s fourth album released a year before The Royal Scam,  featured “Everyone’s Gone to the Movies,” a lyrically creepy tale of pederasty. So, how dark, really, was Royal Scam?

Perhaps context and perspective will provide some insight. Released in May 1976, The Royal Scam hit the market in the bicentennial year of American independence—an event of no little hype then, just as the Declaration’s semiquincentennial in this, the year of our Lord two thousand twenty-six, has already given us extra jingoistic truck advertisements and patriotic-themed beer commercials set to Lynyrd Skynyrd.  Naturally in such a frothy milieu, a song like “The Royal Scam,” the album’s title cut about Puerto Rican immigrants finding in New York more poverty than success, grated against the celebratory popular mood. From the perspective of  fifty years, it sounds more like a rite of passage experienced by many immigrant groups rather than a “scam.”  But, of course, these days, when ICE is herding Latinos into concentration camps built on contaminated land—and lauded for it by pious evangelicals—hard work and poverty doesn’t seem quite so scary. Context matters.

Rolling Stone, in its 1976 review of The Royal Scam, correctly identified the album as a “transitional” one for Steely Dan and presciently predicted that Fagen & Becker’s next album “should be a pop killer.”  Since their next album was Aja, which arguably represents the apotheosis of the Steely Dan jazz-pop fusion, that reviewer pretty much nailed it. Scam does indeed push further in the direction of jazz than did its predecessors, and the participation of jazz stalwarts Larry Carlton, Victor Feldman, Bernard Purdie, and Don Grolnick on several different cuts on that album highlights the vector Steely Dan was taking. Indeed, the upbeat “The Caves of Altamira,” with its prominent horn arrangements, would not have been out of place musically on an album like Aja. So, Scam was a sort of bridge to the jazzier late Steely Dan of Aja and Gaucho. (We might add that, despite its setting in a cave, it is hard to think of “The Caves of Altamira”—about a youth encountering prehistoric cave paintings in Spain—as a “dark” song. In an interview at the turn of  the century Becker told the BBC the song was about “the loss of innocence,” but, unless he meant that in some sort of grand Rousseauean sense about noble savages becoming civilized, I suspect he was pulling the Brit’s leg.)

But back to the music itself. Although the trend toward more jazz is there, I would argue that The Royal Scam, funky though it was, represented the apogee of Steely Dan’s rock sound. It was the band’s full maturation of their take on the rock idiom that I suspect made the shift to jazzier material necessary. Some excellent guitar work is featured on the album and is dominant in most of the songs. This is perhaps Steely Dan’s most guitar-centric album, highlighted in particular by Larry Carlton’s soaring electric guitar opening of “Don’t Take Me Alive,” a song revolving around a heavily armed parricide seeking to commit suicide by cop (another example of a subject that seemed dark, even shocking in 1976, but after enormities like Columbine and Sandy Hook elicits only jaded shrugs in 2026.)  It’s a well-done piece, Carlton’s, jagged guitar oscillations mirroring the mental maelstrom of the barricaded gunman boasting “a man of my mind can do anything.”

Carlton solos again on “Everything You Did,” another song of rage on the verge of breaking the bonds of control. Famously, as the song’s cuckolded husband menacingly interrogates his unfaithful wife, Fagen chimes in with “Turn up the Eagles the neighbors are listening.”  Much is made of this line as a friendly dig at the Eagles, and no doubt it is. (The Eagles returned the favor with their reference to “steely knives” in “Hotel California.”) But I suspect the real artistic intent here was to emphasize the banality of such domestic shambles in 1970s LA. In the mid-1970s, The Eagles were ubiquitous on southern California radio; in 1976, “Take it to the Limit” hung around the Top 40 for a full quarter to become their best-selling single to that date. With their East Coast hauteur toward Hollywood, Fagen and Becker were observing “what else but The Eagles would this tawdry couple have spilling out of their speakers?”

No singles from The Royal Scam cracked the top 40 in the United States, but that hardly is the measure of a good album. And for what it is worth,  the mordant, reggae-flavored “Haitian Divorce” did get its fair share of airplay. But the essence of Steely Dan’s appeal—their ability to frame cynical, sarcastic lyrics with eminently listenable and lapidary music—is on full display in Royal Scam. The various songs’ subject matter, too, holds up well after half a century. Sure, “Kid Charlemagne” may be based on a 1960s prototype of a purveyor of hallucinogens, but, plus ça change, it wasn’t all that long ago that Breaking Bad was all the rage on TV. Is it dark? Well, hell, it’s Steely Dan—it’s going to be a least a little shady. But that’s the fun—would Space Mountain at Disneyland be as cool with the lights on? But, if you’re afraid of the dark, well, there’s always the Eagles…

                                                         —Leo the Deacon


When You’re Out of Schlitz

They have officially placed the yeast on hiatus,
a term previously reserved for exhausted child stars
and caught-on-mic morning show hosts.

Now, it is gracefully applied to a twelve-ounce can
that tastes predominantly of 1974 and bowling shoe rentals.

The pivot was, naturally, data-driven:
a team of strategists, hydrating from metric-tracked canisters,
determined the legacy yield
could no longer justify the literal cost of moving heavy water.
It is nearly impossible to argue with a spreadsheet
that has been industrially brewed for optimal uptake.

So the fermentation tanks are quietly drained,
the hops offered a highly competitive severance package.
It isn’t an execution, the press release insists,
just a strategic realignment.

Perhaps in a decade, it will be exhumed
in a slim, matte-finish can
and rebranded as a premium heritage artifact
for zip codes that treat mechanized exhaustion
as a high-end aesthetic.

Until then, we must manage the quiet loss
of this reliably unglamorous volume.
We will simply have to find another way
to anchor our generational thirst
in an increasingly incorporated evening of leisure.

(poem is based on today’s announcement by Pabst Brewing Company that it is discontinuing the beer that made Milwaukee famous.) (https://www.foxbusiness.com/lifestyle/one-americas-oldest-beer-brands-discontinued-after-177-years-us)

For your pleasure on this Sunday, several works released in May 1926:

Blues: Lovie Austin is not a well-known name today, but she was a brilliant and pioneering pianist, composer, and bandleader. In this blues recording, Austin leads the Blue Serenaders from the piano, which for this recording included Johnny Dodds on clarinet with Viola Bartlette on vocals.

Jazz: Lil’s Hot Shots, with Louis Armstrong on cornet, Lil Armstrong, Kid Ory and Johnny Dodds on clarinet, Kid Ory on Trombone and Johnny St. Cyr on banjo.

King Oliver’s Dixie Syncopators recorded several tracks in late May of 1926, including “Sugar Foot Stomp” with King Oliver on cornet, Bob Shoffner, cornet, Kid Ory on trombone, Albert Nicholas and Billy Paige on sax and clarinet, Barney Bigard on tenor sax and clarinet, Luis Russello on piano, Bud Scott, banjo, Bert Cobb on tuba (or similar brass bass instrument) and Paul Barbarin on drums.

Symphonic Concert Hall Music: On May 12, 1926, the 19-year-old Dmitri Shostakovich rose to international fame when his first symphony was premiered by the Leningrad Philharmonic Orchestra under the baton of Nikolai Malko. Below is Kondrashin’s 1972 recording with the Moscow Philharmonic Symphony Orchestra.

Necessary Evil

“Worries about AI’s risks to humanity loom over the trial pitting Musk against OpenAI’s leaders”
https://www.aol.com/news/inside-well-funded-ai-doom-223837020.html
(Trial continues: https://www.wsj.com/tech/ai/whats-next-in-the-elon-musk-megatrial-against-openai-and-sam-altman-8c316cbb)

Necessary Evil

“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s need, but not every man’s greed”
— Gandhi

Sam Altman and Elon Musk
are just nice men who seek our trust;
they warn AI will kill us dead,
not out of spite, not out of dread,
but from a cold, synthetic scheme:
its training and its data stream.

Musk once called it our greatest threat,
next to Democrats or the national debt,
and Sammy says it will get too rough
and snuff us all when it’s had enough.
It fears no law, no rule, no act
as long as bribes are AI-backed.

So when tyrants, human or AGI,
seize the day and blow us all sky-high,
our tombstones etched by the unrestrained
will note our end is easily explained:
measured in bitcoin, gold and pounds,
the rich man’s greed simply knows no bounds.

Photo by Francesco Ungaro on Pexels.com

Very pleased to announce Zumwalt’s poem, “Elegy for a close attachment,” has been published at Masticadores USA: https://masticadoresusa.wordpress.com/2026/05/09/elegy-for-a-close-attachment-by-zumwalt/

Please visit. If you wish to like, please do me the favor of liking at their website in place of this post 🙂

Artificial Analysis

I am pleased to announce the publication of Zumwalt’s short poem, “Artificial Analysis,” in New Verse News here: https://newversenews.blogspot.com/2026/05/artificial-analysis.html

This is the seventh consecutive month Zumwalt has been published in this esteemed online journal. Please visit.

This poem is based on this recent news event: “The commonwealth of Pennsylvania is suing Character AI to stop the artificial intelligence platform’s chatbots from representing themselves as licensed medical professionals and providing medical advice.” CBS News

Reflection

Zumwalt based the following poem on these headlines:
https://www.forbes.com/sites/maryroeloffs/2026/05/02/bizarre-string-of-trump-posts-includes-photo-swimming-shirtless-in-dc-reflecting-pool
https://www.salon.com/2026/05/03/an-arch-bigger-than-the-arc-de-triomphe-hitler-wanted-that-too/
https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/fact-check-trump-did-post-175725413.html

Reflection

Our President, the best ever,
holds a hand of infinite possibilities,  
smiling over six Uno wild cards
long after I have gone to sleep.

Our leader, shirtless, in the reflecting pool
on a gold inflatable throne
with his buddies, but he looks the best:
youthful, trim, with a charming smile.
He knows how to use AI to glorify!
Such a cool communicator!

Maybe he can post an AI photo
of a reopened Strait of Hormuz—
that should scare the Revolutionary Guard.

Ramesses built a palace with
four stone Ramesses,
towering sixty-five feet
facing the Nile.

Nero built 
a rotating dining room
and a lake
where a city used to be.

Kim Jong-il erected himself
in each and every airport lobby,
every schoolroom wall:
watching,
always watching,
magnificent,
thin.

And now we are finally catching up:
The 250-foot Donald J. Trump Triumphal Arch,
The Donald J. Trump Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts,
Trump-class battleships,
Trump Visas for the wealthy,
Trump Coins, Trump Bills, Trump Passports,
The Trump Presidential Library,
which will be the greatest library
anyone has ever seen.  

The reflecting pool
will be American flag blue,
industrial grade.
Not granite. Not ugly grey.
True Blue!

He posts a picture of his own face
beside Mount Rushmore,
so even Hakeem Jeffries could understand.

Germany says the Americans have no strategy.
But our President holds all the cards.
The pool will be blue.
He removes troops from Germany
teaching Europe, Africa
who is really the boss.

Brent crude is $129 a barrel.
Just like the stock market,
it keeps going up!
JD Vance is shirtless.
Marco Rubio is shirtless, grinning.
They are all in the water.
The greatest deal ever.
So much better than the worst deal ever—
the Obama deal he walked away from
with its costly inspectors
and wheelbarrows of money carted in.

Some moan and bitch,
like my neighbor John,
complaining about the price of gas.
I wrote a letter to the FCC
to kindly ask them
to take care of John  
after they shut up Jimmy Kimmel.

My leader posts himself holding a gun,
dominates Mount Rushmore,
sits in his gold inflatable chair
while the others,
all shirtless, all grinning,
know best how to tread water.

The pool is six feet deep at the center.
The pool will be American flag blue.
The administration is in the water.
Not underwater.
Not sunk.
But if they do sink, I’ll gladly follow
down deep, deep, and deeper,
proudly breathless blue,
with water in my ears, mouth and lungs.

— zumwalt (5/5/2026)

I am pleased to announce that Zumwalt has had two poems published in Illinois State University’s literary magazine, Euphemism. Please click on the links below visit their site to read each poem:

Sermon from the Central Datacenter

Rite of Greed

Algos for the Soul

It is with great pleasure that I announce Zumwalt’s Algos for the Soul has been published today in Bewildering Stories. Please visit here: https://www.bewilderingstories.com/issue1135/algos_souls.html

Please note that Zumwalt has indicated that the comment at the bottom of the poem was the editor’s wish to clarify that “algos” not only was short for algorithms but also Greek for “pain” so the reader could better understand the poem’s message.

One hundred years ago, the end of the silent film era was approaching, and the music and culture of the Jazz Age were still in full force. Below are some notable highlights for April 1926.

One of the most historic nights of opera or concert hall music occurred on April 25, 1926. Giacomo Puccini’s final, unfinished opera, Turandot, premiered at La Scala in Milan. Puccini had died of throat cancer before completing the final act. The performance was conducted by the legendary Arturo Toscanini. When the orchestra reached the final notes Puccini had actually written (the death of the emotional focus of the opera, the young female slave Liù), Toscanini abruptly stopped the orchestra, laid down his baton, faced the audience, and announced: “Here the opera ends, because at this point the maestro died.” The curtain was lowered to complete silence.

In 1926, Jelly Roll Morton recorded “The Pearls” as a piano solo for the Brunswick label. It’s often described as one of the most intricate and carefully constructed pieces in early jazz. Morton himself said it was among the hardest jazz works ever written. In the performance, his left hand keeps a rock-solid, steady stride rhythm, while his right hand weaves in detailed and expressive melodic variations.

Fletcher Henderson’s orchestra, recording under the pseudonym The Dixie Stompers for contractual reasons, released “Static Strut” and “Dynamite.”