Zumwalt Poems Online

Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

Grēnland unfæst (Greenland off-balance)

The Greenland saga continues to intensify, and this Zumwalt poem addresses the latest escalation of targeted tariffs, contrasting the gravity of the situation with a bit of humor. Given the history of Greenland with its European associations going back to the 10th century, Zumwalt chose a poetic style common to English speakers of that era: Anglo-Saxon alliterative meter.

“Grēnland unfæst” is the latest published Zumwalt poem, published today at New Verse News: https://newversenews.blogspot.com/2026/01/grenland -unfst-greenland-off-balance.html

This is the third consecutive month that Zumwalt has had a work published at New Verse News and the second day in a row a Zumwalt poem has been published in a literary journal.

Large Language Model Limerick

Large Language Model Limerick

This poet has run out of drink,
With no further incentive to think,
So a prompt-driven app
Now spits out my crap,
Spewing poems as I watch my brain shrink.

Donroe Doctrine

Donroe Doctrine

He lied about what was in store,
To launch a swift, two-hour war.
But our boss won’t explain,
Now we’re in for more pain
in a far away place,
In a very messy state
with a lengthy, complicated, intricate case
of having much, much more on our plate
than we ever should have ever,
ever, 
ever 
asked for.

— zumwait (Jan. 2026)

With apologies to Emily and the DOJ

With apologies to Emily and the DOJ

Release the files but just in part —
Deception’s Pathway lies
Too raw for Headline’s hungry Spark
The whole would scandalize
As Cards dealt from some hidden Deck
With watching eyes confined
The Truth must flame out gradually
To hide the Guilt entwined —

–zumwalt (2025)

Updated Dump

News event:   “At least 15 files that were released by the Justice Department Friday were no longer available on the department’s website on Saturday.”
Reference: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/at-least-15-newly-released-epstein-files-have-disappeared-from-justice-departments-website/

Updated Dump

They loaded files on Friday night,
Though not the total lot;
The press was vexed by partial truths
But that is what we got.

On Saturday fifteen were gone —
One noticed from before:
A president in gilded frame —
A photo in a drawer.

What this all means to common folk
Escapes my simple mind
When wealth can build a mighty wall
That shields them from their crime —

And if a few are put in jail
That does us little good
For those that still control the wealth
Will raise the price of food.

The message here is pretty clear
And one that fits my rhyme  
That money spent judiciously
Protects —  
even the damnedest —
most despicable —
devils of our time.

— zumwalt (2025)

PSYCHOLOGO

PSYCHOLOGO    

my table is busted
a sore sight to see
and the metal-grill chair
is as comfortable
as a bed of needles.
a pretty girl in a blue jacket
and in maroon cords
reads the school paper;
she is in a trance.
a small audience is watching
a couple of college students
playing five-minute chess.
a young women on the other side of the room
gazes at me over the rim of a
white coffee cup.

i burnt myself this morning
frying up french toast
and the pain mingles with everything else
like short-wave radio static.
1.3 GPA
yells a figure with sideburns
and a number of people
in his group laugh
until their heads fall off
and someone has to come
and put them back on.

sitting cross-legged on the carpet
and from a distance
it all looks like
a game of charades,
long, long hair
and i find myself stare.

i am thinking of leaving
PROTECT YOUR LOUNGE ENVIRONMENT
TAKE THE TIME TO BUS YOUR OWN TRASH
a famous musician enters,
but no one recognizes him.
a cloud hangs over,
but then again
maybe it's just the plumbing.
my eyesight is shot
everything in the distance
all looks the same
and now it is only my table
that is different from the others.

-- zumwalt (1974)
[reformatted for WordPress display]

Over the counter

Over the counter
 
 
I never liked them anyways
And THEY ALWAYS came with a safety cap
for something that’s not now very safe
 
The bottle always asserted its authority
just two
wait this long if you really want more

Treated me like a child
even though it said “extra strength”
 
I am not pregnant
that’s hard for a man
particularly in their sixties
but what’s not good for a goose
is maybe even worse for a gander.
 
I live with pain
constantly
Bad neighbors
Bad news
and so —
pretty bad headaches…
 
I can easily explore better options
no warnings on dosages
I well know
what works well
and even
if I have
a brutal headache the next morning
and mess up the car driving
At least I had me some fun.

— zumwalt (2025)

Decay

Decay

Discrimination lies with concentration
Machinations, machinations
   equilibrium staggers—
Smell the breath of industry—intoxicated fumes
Has the ignition point been reached?
Atomize before the vestigial globules are digested
   and Odovacar pulverizes the wall

–Zumwalt (late 1970s or early 1980s)