Zumwalt Poems Online

Archive for the ‘Satire’ Category

Executive Privilege

News Article: https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/fact-checking-trumps-claim-that-iran-has-tomahawk-missiles (March 10, 2026)

Reporter: “Why are you the only person saying this?”
Trump: “Because I just don’t know enough about it.”

Executive Privilege

While some say the president ain’t quite fit,
And others are worried or don’t care one bit,
We all must take note when he dares to admit:
“Because, I just don’t know enough about it.”
Proving he’s knee-deep in his own brand of s**t.

Honestly, Believe Me

News Article: https://www.cnbc.com/2026/03/10/iran-war-trump-russia-intelligence-witkoff.html  (March 10, 2026)

Russian leaders in a call with President Donald Trump on Monday denied allegations that they are sharing intelligence with Iran during the war, U.S. Special Envoy Steve Witkoff said.

“So, you know, we can take them at their word,” Witkoff told CNBC’s “Money Movers” during an interview on Tuesday. “Let’s hope that they’re not sharing.”

Honestly, Believe Me

There is nothing quite as stupidly absurd
As any leader taking despots at their word.

Plight of the Iguanas

Plight of the Iguanas

These reptiles that thrive in the heat
Fall frigid and plop at our feet.
From branches they’re dropping,
And from rooftops they’re flopping,
But at least we’ll have something to eat!

For Name’s Sake

For Name’s Sake

A center that bore a great leader’s name,
A symbol of culture, of merit, of fame,
Now carries a brand that’s suspect and lame:
So artists avoid it, along with its shame.

Now our president posts it’s time to shut down;
“No one rejects ME,” he thinks with a frown.
“Time to remodel — I’ll teach this whole town,
I may not be nice, but I DO wear the crown!”


— zumwalt (February 2026)

Concept of a Plan

Concept of a Plan

Here is “The Great Healthcare Plan,”
The finest concept known to man.
No need to think of how this works
Or who this helps and who this hurts.

This policy is the greatest, most wonderful healthcare dream,
The biggest savings anyone has ever known or seen.
We’ll slash the drugs, making deals with forced consent,
By three hundred, four hundred — five hundred percent!

We can’t pay off the middle men,
That’s up to you to do, my friend.
If you need more to make you well,
Then just follow our plan,
straight to…
well…
straight to where I might one day dwell.

— zumwalt (January 2026)

News stories:
https://www.npr.org/2026/01/15/nx-s1-5678654/trump-great-healthcare-plan-video-announcement-aca-premiums https://www.cnn.com/2026/01/15/politics/trump-health-care-plan

A sure bet

A sure bet

The pick and roll is part of play,
And catch what coach has got to say.
But there’s a more important task:
Collecting bags of major cash.

You miss the shot, you miss the rim,
While placing bets outside the gym.
We take the bribe to slip and fall,
No cap, it’s part of basketball.

We fill the jerseys up with green,
The wildest flex you’ve ever seen.
We pray the Feds don’t watch the game,
Or we’ll get cooked and take the blame.

It’s great to hang with looks that slay,
To drive the whips and soak the rays.
To hit the clubs and play the field,
To party hard and never yield.

But danger lurks in losing games,
Not from the fans or public shame:
Don’t leave behind some mid-wit tell,
That turns your set-up into some
cringey,
grungy,
hoopless cell.

— zumwalt (January 2026)

New Story:
https://www.cnn.com/2026/01/15/sport/basketball-charges-gambling-scheme


Our Free Union

Our Free Union (With respect to André Breton)

My country with the hair of inlaid fiber-optic cable
With the thoughts of a backed up four-lane freeway at dusk
With the waist of a redwood in the center of a scenic bypass
My country with the lips of blinking Christmas lights
With lips of teabags of silt from the Great Lakes
With the teeth of a picket fence on a shifting, slumping shoreline
With the tongue of a ticker tape parade on celluloid stock
My country with the tongue of a televised courtroom
With the tongue of a satellite that spies in dark silence
With the tongue of a cracked bell that just rings and rings on command
With the eyelashes of high-tension wires
With brows of the edge of a sold-out stadium
My country with the brow of a blue light under the sheets
And of the steam rising from an executive sauna fifty stories high
My country with shoulders of interstate concrete
And of a hydroelectric dam holding back the stars
My country with fingers of a ballot box—contested, sticky, messy
Of a strewn deck of plastic cards
My country with armpits of coal dust and scented bubble tea
Of suburban sprawl and the nest of a bald eagle in a cell tower
With arms of Mississippi tributaries and of a thousand assembly lines
And of a mingling of the cornfield and ambushed migrant workers
My country with legs of elusive wildfires
With the movements of a swing state and a jazz festival
My country with calves of sequoia bark
My country with feet of broken treaties and numbered amendments
With feet of subway tracks and tourists flicking coins into canyons
My country with a neck of unharvested wheat
My country with a throat of pulsing fiber and high-powered cooling fans
Of a protest stage-shrieking in the bed of a dry river
With breasts of the Appalachian night
My country with breasts of a multi-story shopping mall
Of a ghost town shadowed by the noonday sun
My country with the belly of a thumb-scrolled digital map
With a back of an abandoned silver screen
My country with the back of a cruise ship climbing into the stratosphere
With a nape of red clay and cooling asphalt
And of the threads of a smudged napkin on a diner counter at 3:00 AM
My country with hips of a barreling NextGen Acela
With hips of a county rodeo and of Friday night tossed penalty flags
Of a pendulum swinging between fairground stand food and Michelin starred dining
My country with buttocks of Civil War reenactments
Of a buttocks of uncirculated library books
Of a buffalo nickel gifted to a grandchild
My country with the loins of an offshore drill and of grocery store pharmacy
Of prairie grass and vintage baseball cards
My country with loins of theme park hydraulic launch coasters
My country with ears full of rotating sirens
Of ears of the Great Prairies and fast food in the car
Of eyes of parabolic, steerable radio telescopes
My country with eyes of a flatscreen TV left on at night
With eyes of a forest gasping for breath…

The eyes of my country turned toward we, the people
Hands held out for an answer, cuffed and arrested for expediency.

— zumwalt (Dec. 31, 2025)

With apologies to Emily and the DOJ

With apologies to Emily and the DOJ

Release the files but just in part —
Deception’s Pathway lies
Too raw for Headline’s hungry Spark
The whole would scandalize
As Cards dealt from some hidden Deck
With watching eyes confined
The Truth must flame out gradually
To hide the Guilt entwined —

–zumwalt (2025)

Updated Dump

News event:   “At least 15 files that were released by the Justice Department Friday were no longer available on the department’s website on Saturday.”
Reference: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/at-least-15-newly-released-epstein-files-have-disappeared-from-justice-departments-website/

Updated Dump

They loaded files on Friday night,
Though not the total lot;
The press was vexed by partial truths
But that is what we got.

On Saturday fifteen were gone —
One noticed from before:
A president in gilded frame —
A photo in a drawer.

What this all means to common folk
Escapes my simple mind
When wealth can build a mighty wall
That shields them from their crime —

And if a few are put in jail
That does us little good
For those that still control the wealth
Will raise the price of food.

The message here is pretty clear
And one that fits my rhyme  
That money spent judiciously
Protects —  
even the damnedest —
most despicable —
devils of our time.

— zumwalt (2025)

Over the counter

Over the counter
 
 
I never liked them anyways
And THEY ALWAYS came with a safety cap
for something that’s not now very safe
 
The bottle always asserted its authority
just two
wait this long if you really want more

Treated me like a child
even though it said “extra strength”
 
I am not pregnant
that’s hard for a man
particularly in their sixties
but what’s not good for a goose
is maybe even worse for a gander.
 
I live with pain
constantly
Bad neighbors
Bad news
and so —
pretty bad headaches…
 
I can easily explore better options
no warnings on dosages
I well know
what works well
and even
if I have
a brutal headache the next morning
and mess up the car driving
At least I had me some fun.

— zumwalt (2025)