Zumwalt Poems Online

Archive for the ‘Satire’ Category

Our Free Union

Our Free Union (With respect to André Breton)

My country with the hair of inlaid fiber-optic cable
With the thoughts of a backed up four-lane freeway at dusk
With the waist of a redwood in the center of a scenic bypass
My country with the lips of blinking Christmas lights
With lips of teabags of silt from the Great Lakes
With the teeth of a picket fence on a shifting, slumping shoreline
With the tongue of a ticker tape parade on celluloid stock
My country with the tongue of a televised courtroom
With the tongue of a satellite that spies in dark silence
With the tongue of a cracked bell that just rings and rings on command
With the eyelashes of high-tension wires
With brows of the edge of a sold-out stadium
My country with the brow of a blue light under the sheets
And of the steam rising from an executive sauna fifty stories high
My country with shoulders of interstate concrete
And of a hydroelectric dam holding back the stars
My country with fingers of a ballot box—contested, sticky, messy
Of a strewn deck of plastic cards
My country with armpits of coal dust and scented bubble tea
Of suburban sprawl and the nest of a bald eagle in a cell tower
With arms of Mississippi tributaries and of a thousand assembly lines
And of a mingling of the cornfield and ambushed migrant workers
My country with legs of elusive wildfires
With the movements of a swing state and a jazz festival
My country with calves of sequoia bark
My country with feet of broken treaties and numbered amendments
With feet of subway tracks and tourists flicking coins into canyons
My country with a neck of unharvested wheat
My country with a throat of pulsing fiber and high-powered cooling fans
Of a protest stage-shrieking in the bed of a dry river
With breasts of the Appalachian night
My country with breasts of a multi-story shopping mall
Of a ghost town shadowed by the noonday sun
My country with the belly of a thumb-scrolled digital map
With a back of an abandoned silver screen
My country with the back of a cruise ship climbing into the stratosphere
With a nape of red clay and cooling asphalt
And of the threads of a smudged napkin on a diner counter at 3:00 AM
My country with hips of a barreling NextGen Acela
With hips of a county rodeo and of Friday night tossed penalty flags
Of a pendulum swinging between fairground stand food and Michelin starred dining
My country with buttocks of Civil War reenactments
Of a buttocks of uncirculated library books
Of a buffalo nickel gifted to a grandchild
My country with the loins of an offshore drill and of grocery store pharmacy
Of prairie grass and vintage baseball cards
My country with loins of theme park hydraulic launch coasters
My country with ears full of rotating sirens
Of ears of the Great Prairies and fast food in the car
Of eyes of parabolic, steerable radio telescopes
My country with eyes of a flatscreen TV left on at night
With eyes of a forest gasping for breath…

The eyes of my country turned toward we, the people
Hands held out for an answer, cuffed and arrested for expediency.

— zumwalt (Dec. 31, 2025)

With apologies to Emily and the DOJ

With apologies to Emily and the DOJ

Release the files but just in part —
Deception’s Pathway lies
Too raw for Headline’s hungry Spark
The whole would scandalize
As Cards dealt from some hidden Deck
With watching eyes confined
The Truth must flame out gradually
To hide the Guilt entwined —

–zumwalt (2025)

Updated Dump

News event:   “At least 15 files that were released by the Justice Department Friday were no longer available on the department’s website on Saturday.”
Reference: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/at-least-15-newly-released-epstein-files-have-disappeared-from-justice-departments-website/

Updated Dump

They loaded files on Friday night,
Though not the total lot;
The press was vexed by partial truths
But that is what we got.

On Saturday fifteen were gone —
One noticed from before:
A president in gilded frame —
A photo in a drawer.

What this all means to common folk
Escapes my simple mind
When wealth can build a mighty wall
That shields them from their crime —

And if a few are put in jail
That does us little good
For those that still control the wealth
Will raise the price of food.

The message here is pretty clear
And one that fits my rhyme  
That money spent judiciously
Protects —  
even the damnedest —
most despicable —
devils of our time.

— zumwalt (2025)

Over the counter

Over the counter
 
 
I never liked them anyways
And THEY ALWAYS came with a safety cap
for something that’s not now very safe
 
The bottle always asserted its authority
just two
wait this long if you really want more

Treated me like a child
even though it said “extra strength”
 
I am not pregnant
that’s hard for a man
particularly in their sixties
but what’s not good for a goose
is maybe even worse for a gander.
 
I live with pain
constantly
Bad neighbors
Bad news
and so —
pretty bad headaches…
 
I can easily explore better options
no warnings on dosages
I well know
what works well
and even
if I have
a brutal headache the next morning
and mess up the car driving
At least I had me some fun.

— zumwalt (2025)

Decay

Decay

Discrimination lies with concentration
Machinations, machinations
   equilibrium staggers—
Smell the breath of industry—intoxicated fumes
Has the ignition point been reached?
Atomize before the vestigial globules are digested
   and Odovacar pulverizes the wall

–Zumwalt (late 1970s or early 1980s)

THE FIRING HEARD ‘ROUND THE WORLD

In a political landscape where the entertainment factor often overpowers any sense of expected reality, the latest episode of governmental theater features none other than tech mogul Elon Musk and President Donald Trump. The duo’s latest escapade? A bureaucratic blunder of epic proportions that saw Musk inadvertently firing the President, only to hastily reinstate him.

It all began when Musk, after missing three days of sleep, dividing his time between stranding much-needed aid in route to save lives across the world and creating numerous offspring with multiple Ai-selected partners, doubled down on his efforts to implement total Government Efficiency

Armed with his signature blend of an annoying disposition and a chainsaw, Musk set out to further escalate his total trimming of governmental fat by focusing on those that didn’t respond to his demand of submitting a list of “five accomplishments this week” and those that appeared to have incorporated governmental fat into their own personal corporeal structure.

The ever-busy President Trump, always the multitasker, found himself entangled in a web of executive orders, golf games, and social media tirades. In the self-created chaos, he neglected to submit his accomplishment list to DOGE. True to his word, Musk, with the efficiency of an overzealous algorithm, identified the oversight and issued a termination notice. The nation was left in a state of bewilderment as the news broke: the President had been fired by his own appointee.

Upon further review, one of Musk’s DOGE members, 25 year-old Marko Elez, clarified that Trump’s termination wasn’t merely a clerical issue. Among the primary reasons cited: an “excessive dedication” to golf, spending more time in Florida than in Washington, and, most troubling, an apparent lack of support and loyalty for the President of the United States.

“I did a poll of my fans on X and, though I won’t disclose the results, many agreed to go with Marko’s decision on this.” Musk explained in a press conference from the Tesla Cyberbunker. “Not only did Trump spend 43% of his workday on the golf course, but he spent another 27% in Florida, which until very recently was a colony of Spain and bordered on a body of water called the ‘Gulf of Mexico.’ .And even more alarming, when I searched for any evidence of him supporting our President, I found that nothing he said really properly glorified or uplifted the President’s image.”

But it got worse. As Musk’s investigative team dug deeper, they uncovered shocking evidence that President Trump had been aggressively pushing a radical DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) agenda. “Frankly, we were stunned,” Musk admitted. “Trump has been hiring non-native-born Americans, like, well… me, for key positions. And his cabinet and advisory circle? Way too many women—Susie Wiles, Tulsi Gabbard, Pam Bondi, Kristi Noem, Brooke Rollins, Kelly Loeffler, and, of course, Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany. I mean, come on. Where’s the meritocracy?”

The report also revealed a suspiciously high number of African Americans in Trump’s orbit, including Scott Turner and Alice Marie Johnson, an alarming infiltration of Hispanics such as Marco Rubio and Lori Chavez-DeRemer, and even one person born to parents of immigrants from the Indian sub-continent. “This level of inclusivity is simply not what we expected,” Musk continued. “I had to double-check to make sure these appointments weren’t leftovers from the Biden administration.”

The White House scrambled to address the unprecedented situation. Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany, in a hastily arranged briefing, stated, “The President was momentarily relieved of his duties due to a clerical error. We assure the American people that this administrative hiccup has been resolved. And to clarify, President Trump has always been a strong supporter of President Trump. Also, his diverse hiring record was not DEI-related—he just likes people who flatter him.”

Musk, realizing the magnitude of his bureaucratic faux pas, took to his platform, X (formerly known as Twitter), to rectify the situation. “Oops! Looks like I accidentally fired @realDonaldTrump. Reinstating immediately. Note to self: remind POTUS to submit his TPS reports. Also, need to investigate this Marko Elez character. And remind President Trump that diversity is only good if it’s self-made billionaires. #AdminError,” he quipped.

The incident has sparked a flurry of memes and late-night monologues, with comedians dubbing Musk the “Accidental President” and Trump the “Commander-in-Leave.” Political analysts are left pondering the implications of a tech CEO wielding such unchecked power within the federal apparatus.

As the dust settles, one thing remains clear: in the age of Musk and Trump, the line between reality and entertainment continues to blur, leaving the nation amused, bemused and constantly confused by the antics of its leaders.

nominal thought

nominal thought

Without forms, phones and Facebook,
there’s not much need to have a name when you’re dead.

— Zumwalt (2011)