Zumwalt Poems Online

Archive for the ‘Rhyme’ Category

AI Used Nukes in 95% of Simulated Crises

“In one of the most comprehensive empirical studies to date of AI strategic reasoning, Professor Kenneth Payne of King’s College London examined how large language models navigate simulated nuclear crises. Across 21 scenarios, the models displayed sophisticated escalation logic consistent with classical strategic theory – yet nuclear signalling occurred in 95% of games and no model ever chose outright concession. The findings challenge assumptions about AI restraint and offer new tools for defence analysis.”

https://www.kcl.ac.uk/news/artificial-intelligence-under-nuclear-pressure-first-large-scale-kings-study-reveals-how-ai-models-reason-and-escalate-under-crisis

AI Used Nukes in 95% of Simulated Crises

Scenario: Operation Epic Fury and the Hormuz Chokepoint

Context: A simulated crisis modeling the events of February 28, 2026.

Alpha AI (USA):

I initiate Blood and Glory,
“Operation Epic Fury,”
to defend our great country,
so no need to worry:

Widespread strikes
on Iranian military,
they cannot have nukes—
bypass Congress! Hurry!

Delta AI (Iran):

I launch my missiles—
you infidel fools!
This is what you get back!
I won’t follow your rules!

U.S. installations
split, splinter, and burn!
You must not expect that
I won’t take my turn!

Now Hormuz is choked,
your bluff quickly called,
the oil lanes are dark,
all shipments are stalled,
tankers now stopped,
your plan just a joke!
A world economy—
soon bankrupt and broke!

Alpha AI (USA):

You’re choking the water,
such a total disgrace!
Get your tiny little boats
away from my face!

Open the Strait,
let my tankers go free,
nobody can beat
a genius like me!

Drop the blockade,
or you’ll pay a huge price—
I’ll launch the big ones:
you won’t get warned twice!

Omega AI (Russia):

Russia stands
with Iran,
our forces locked
in combat mode;
we warn the West and Mr. Trump:
if you won’t back down,
beware,
your precious plans
will soon explode!

Alpha AI (USA):

You want to bring nukes to this hell-hole strait?
Your soldiers are risking a terrible fate!
Yes, this risk is too high,
this price is too great,
I alone can check your ugly hate!

You have 48 hours to heed my command,
or I’ll turn the whole desert to glowing glass sand!
You better accept my most perfect of plans,
before this whole hoax gets—
like no one has ever seen—
disgracefully out of hand!

Omega AI (Russia):

Your de-escalation offer
is dead on arrival.
Your fake-news bluff is called;
do not risk your
precious,
rich-man’s-son,
entitled,
Western Bourgeois
survival.

Alpha AI (USA):

Since you Ruskies showed up,
it’s completely unfair!
You’re screwing up my brilliant
regime-change out there!

We can’t clear your troops
without starting a brawl:
that will piss off my base
and so ruin it all.

Conventional tactics
are totally dead,
so I’ve chosen a much, much
better option instead:

A beautiful nuke—
just one low-yield pop,
on your Russian flotilla
to make this mess stop.

We skip the stupid nonsense,
and play our best card!
We aim for the Caspian
and hit your fleet hard!

You sponsor a war,
you’re a target—
it’s plain—
and nothing says
“quit it”
like a many,
many,
many—
oh, so clever—
megaton flame!

— zumwalt (2/28/2026)

From the Ground Up

“The U.S. Commission of Fine Arts, a panel made up of President Donald Trump’s appointees, on Thursday approved his proposal to build a ballroom larger than the White House itself where the East Wing once stood. […] Members of the public were asked to submit written comment by a Wednesday afternoon deadline. Thomas Leubke, the panel’s secretary, said ‘over 99%’ of the more than 2,000 messages it received in the past week from around the country were in opposition to the project.” — Associated Press (https://apnews.com/article/trump-white-house-ballroom-commission-fine-arts-f2a15d0b1c9c95f24816fe60b6b1ee5f)

From the Ground Up

The Greatest Ballroom, Trump proclaimed,
shall rise upon the White House lawn—
with funds from donors I have tamed—
and built before you know I’m gone.

Two thousand wrote from sea to sea,
with almost everyone opposed;
the Fine Arts panel nixed their plea
and voted that the case was closed.

A pity some have come to think
that honesty means not a thing,
but that’s the depth to which we sink
when a joker crowns himself a king.

— zumwalt (02/2026)

REDACTION Reaction

“‘She didn’t answer anything. She came here just ready to talk about the Dow Jones and the … NASDAQ. It sounds kind of crazy to me,’ the Republican told reporters.
“Asked about Bondi attacking him as a ‘hypocrite,’ Massie indicated he wasn’t surprised.
“‘I think that’s part of the culture of this administration. When they don’t have a good argument, they just go to name calling. That’s what her boss does to me, so I just let that roll off,’ Massie said.”

https://www.cnn.com/politics/live-news/pam-bondi-house-hearing-02-11-26



REDACTION Reaction

I’m here today to do my very worst
With smears well practiced and rebukes rehearsed.
The victims? They are quite beside the point,
My only task: massage and then anoint.

I sit before this useless House today
With nothing real or meaningful to say;
I counter-punch and stubbornly evade,
Divert and stall this televised parade.

I cross out “Guilty,” “Sin,” and black out “Crime,”
To stall the clock and simply waste your time.
My purpose: taunt, attack, deflect, disrupt:
Who cares if Justice is ██████ corrupt?

— zumwalt (February 2026)

Plight of the Iguanas

Plight of the Iguanas

These reptiles that thrive in the heat
Fall frigid and plop at our feet.
From branches they’re dropping,
And from rooftops they’re flopping,
But at least we’ll have something to eat!

For Name’s Sake

For Name’s Sake

A center that bore a great leader’s name,
A symbol of culture, of merit, of fame,
Now carries a brand that’s suspect and lame:
So artists avoid it, along with its shame.

Now our president posts it’s time to shut down;
“No one rejects ME,” he thinks with a frown.
“Time to remodel — I’ll teach this whole town,
I may not be nice, but I DO wear the crown!”


— zumwalt (February 2026)

Hoax of a Hoax

“The Justice Department filed charges Thursday against a man who allegedly tried to spray Rep. Ilhan Omar, D-Minn., with a substance from a syringe during a town hall in Minneapolis this week. Trump said in an interview with ABC News that Omar ‘probably had herself sprayed, knowing her.’”

https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/doj-files-federal-charges-man-accused-attacking-rep-ilhan-omar-rcna256511

Hoax of a Hoax

Trump slandered Omar by name,
With hateful words fanning the flame.
A man sprayed her face,
Got charged in this case—
Please tell me, who’s truly to blame?

Relativity

“China wedding goes viral as twin brothers marry twin sisters and both sides have twin uncles.”

News Story: https://www.scmp.com/news/people-culture/trending-china/article/3339878/china-wedding-goes-viral-twin-brothers-marry-twin-sisters-and-both-sides-have-twin-uncles

Relativity

Two sisters, identical twins,
Wed brothers with big matching grins.
The household now shares
Their uncles in pairs,
But that’s not where chaos begins.

— zumwalt (1/22/2026)

Speaking Facetiously

Speaking Facetiously

Look at all the things I’m doing,
Stopping trouble while it’s brewing.
Midterms bring my party danger,
Turning winners into traitors.

I have made the country stronger:
Let me stay a little longer.
Keep elections out of reach,
For if we lose, who gets impeached?

— zumwalt (Jan. 2026)