Zumwalt Poems Online

Posts tagged ‘humor’

AI Used Nukes in 95% of Simulated Crises

“In one of the most comprehensive empirical studies to date of AI strategic reasoning, Professor Kenneth Payne of King’s College London examined how large language models navigate simulated nuclear crises. Across 21 scenarios, the models displayed sophisticated escalation logic consistent with classical strategic theory – yet nuclear signalling occurred in 95% of games and no model ever chose outright concession. The findings challenge assumptions about AI restraint and offer new tools for defence analysis.”

https://www.kcl.ac.uk/news/artificial-intelligence-under-nuclear-pressure-first-large-scale-kings-study-reveals-how-ai-models-reason-and-escalate-under-crisis

AI Used Nukes in 95% of Simulated Crises

Scenario: Operation Epic Fury and the Hormuz Chokepoint

Context: A simulated crisis modeling the events of February 28, 2026.

Alpha AI (USA):

I initiate Blood and Glory,
“Operation Epic Fury,”
to defend our great country,
so no need to worry:

Widespread strikes
on Iranian military,
they cannot have nukes—
bypass Congress! Hurry!

Delta AI (Iran):

I launch my missiles—
you infidel fools!
This is what you get back!
I won’t follow your rules!

U.S. installations
split, splinter, and burn!
You must not expect that
I won’t take my turn!

Now Hormuz is choked,
your bluff quickly called,
the oil lanes are dark,
all shipments are stalled,
tankers now stopped,
your plan just a joke!
A world economy—
soon bankrupt and broke!

Alpha AI (USA):

You’re choking the water,
such a total disgrace!
Get your tiny little boats
away from my face!

Open the Strait,
let my tankers go free,
nobody can beat
a genius like me!

Drop the blockade,
or you’ll pay a huge price—
I’ll launch the big ones:
you won’t get warned twice!

Omega AI (Russia):

Russia stands
with Iran,
our forces locked
in combat mode;
we warn the West and Mr. Trump:
if you won’t back down,
beware,
your precious plans
will soon explode!

Alpha AI (USA):

You want to bring nukes to this hell-hole strait?
Your soldiers are risking a terrible fate!
Yes, this risk is too high,
this price is too great,
I alone can check your ugly hate!

You have 48 hours to heed my command,
or I’ll turn the whole desert to glowing glass sand!
You better accept my most perfect of plans,
before this whole hoax gets—
like no one has ever seen—
disgracefully out of hand!

Omega AI (Russia):

Your de-escalation offer
is dead on arrival.
Your fake-news bluff is called;
do not risk your
precious,
rich-man’s-son,
entitled,
Western Bourgeois
survival.

Alpha AI (USA):

Since you Ruskies showed up,
it’s completely unfair!
You’re screwing up my brilliant
regime-change out there!

We can’t clear your troops
without starting a brawl:
that will piss off my base
and so ruin it all.

Conventional tactics
are totally dead,
so I’ve chosen a much, much
better option instead:

A beautiful nuke—
just one low-yield pop,
on your Russian flotilla
to make this mess stop.

We skip the stupid nonsense,
and play our best card!
We aim for the Caspian
and hit your fleet hard!

You sponsor a war,
you’re a target—
it’s plain—
and nothing says
“quit it”
like a many,
many,
many—
oh, so clever—
megaton flame!

— zumwalt (2/28/2026)

Make America Gray Again

https://www.cnn.com/politics/live-news/pam-bondi-house-hearing-02-11-26

“The Trump administration has repealed an EPA rule that classified carbon dioxide and five other greenhouse gases as a threat to public health.”

Make America Gray Again

His rival had issued a rule
That carbon’s a dangerous fuel.
So this new EPA
Just kicks science away
Since Dissing Obama’s so cool!

–zumwalt (February 2026)

REDACTION Reaction

“‘She didn’t answer anything. She came here just ready to talk about the Dow Jones and the … NASDAQ. It sounds kind of crazy to me,’ the Republican told reporters.
“Asked about Bondi attacking him as a ‘hypocrite,’ Massie indicated he wasn’t surprised.
“‘I think that’s part of the culture of this administration. When they don’t have a good argument, they just go to name calling. That’s what her boss does to me, so I just let that roll off,’ Massie said.”

https://www.cnn.com/politics/live-news/pam-bondi-house-hearing-02-11-26



REDACTION Reaction

I’m here today to do my very worst
With smears well practiced and rebukes rehearsed.
The victims? They are quite beside the point,
My only task: massage and then anoint.

I sit before this useless House today
With nothing real or meaningful to say;
I counter-punch and stubbornly evade,
Divert and stall this televised parade.

I cross out “Guilty,” “Sin,” and black out “Crime,”
To stall the clock and simply waste your time.
My purpose: taunt, attack, deflect, disrupt:
Who cares if Justice is ██████ corrupt?

— zumwalt (February 2026)

Plight of the Iguanas

Plight of the Iguanas

These reptiles that thrive in the heat
Fall frigid and plop at our feet.
From branches they’re dropping,
And from rooftops they’re flopping,
But at least we’ll have something to eat!

For Name’s Sake

For Name’s Sake

A center that bore a great leader’s name,
A symbol of culture, of merit, of fame,
Now carries a brand that’s suspect and lame:
So artists avoid it, along with its shame.

Now our president posts it’s time to shut down;
“No one rejects ME,” he thinks with a frown.
“Time to remodel — I’ll teach this whole town,
I may not be nice, but I DO wear the crown!”


— zumwalt (February 2026)

Hoax of a Hoax

“The Justice Department filed charges Thursday against a man who allegedly tried to spray Rep. Ilhan Omar, D-Minn., with a substance from a syringe during a town hall in Minneapolis this week. Trump said in an interview with ABC News that Omar ‘probably had herself sprayed, knowing her.’”

https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/doj-files-federal-charges-man-accused-attacking-rep-ilhan-omar-rcna256511

Hoax of a Hoax

Trump slandered Omar by name,
With hateful words fanning the flame.
A man sprayed her face,
Got charged in this case—
Please tell me, who’s truly to blame?

Relativity

“China wedding goes viral as twin brothers marry twin sisters and both sides have twin uncles.”

News Story: https://www.scmp.com/news/people-culture/trending-china/article/3339878/china-wedding-goes-viral-twin-brothers-marry-twin-sisters-and-both-sides-have-twin-uncles

Relativity

Two sisters, identical twins,
Wed brothers with big matching grins.
The household now shares
Their uncles in pairs,
But that’s not where chaos begins.

— zumwalt (1/22/2026)

The Art of Repeal

“President Donald Trump, on Wednesday, January 21, 2026, scrapped the tariffs that he threatened to impose on eight European nations to press for U.S. control over Greenland, pulling a dramatic reversal shortly after insisting he wanted to get the island ‘including right, title and ownership.’”

News Story: https://apnews.com/article/trump-davos-housing-greenland-gaza-a2f3f4c18ba321c8025a3e208fc0ddf6

The Art of Repeal

He eyed up the ice for a deal,
Which he swore he could buy or would steal,
But now he’s retreating
From his warlike chest beating,
as if it had all been surreal.

— zumwalt (1/22/2026)

Three poems published today at The Good Men Project

Three Zumwalt poems were published as featured content today at The Good Men Project: https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/faceoff-on-facebook/

This is quite an honor to have three lengthy poems of this level of density and abstraction published on a high-traffic site like The Good Men Project. Please visit if you have a minute.

This is a highly visited online publication per Gemini AI: “The Good Men Project: ~2 – 3 Million monthly visitors (varies by source, sometimes listed as 1.9M unique visitors)

FYI -- the formatting for "roads closed" was lost when posted on their site.

UPDATE: Roads closed was removed from their website, requested by me, due to formatting issues. I will post an update when Roads closed is published again. 



White Russians with White Vodka

White Russians with White Vodka

The sky peers out over
its trailing cape, wide and pallid,
obscuring the meridian,
erasing the horizontal arguments
of Kamchatka avenues.

Don’t check your map:
it will look much the same as in summer;
it won’t show flurries,
blizzards, cyclones,
meter upon meter
of accumulated snowbanks—

You will not see the swallowed
Lada Grantas, Kia Rios,
Toyota Prados, Cherry Tiggos.

Once one could have turned on a TV
late at night
and seen snow—

now politicians,
talking heads,
social media
whitewash and whitenoise us
non-stop:

ultimately,
we will be head deep,
unable to plow out,
and even Kamchatka
will seem like
a tropical paradise.

–zumwalt (January 2026)

Based on today’s news https://asianmail.in/2026/01/19/record-breaking-snowfall-in-russia-extreme-snow-buries-towns-in-kamchatka/ and this dVerse post’s call to action: https://dversepoets.com/2026/01/20/poetics-new-year-snow/