Trump Campaign announces scheduled debates
Today, August 9, 2024, the Donald Trump Campaign proudly announced the scheduling of up to four debates where Donald Trump will debate himself.
Topics for the first debate include banning or not banning Muslims, nature of NATO, how Andrew Jackson could have prevented the civil war despite dying decades earlier, whether Mr. Trump did more for blacks than Abraham Lincoln, the best way to handle COVID-19, the best cures for COVID-19, the number of Muslims in New Jersey celebrating the 9/11 attacks, and who was with Mr. Trump in the helicopter that almost crashed.
Topics for the second debate include Trump’s role in the building of the Panama Canal, why the Apprentice was the top-rated TV program in America, how the 2020 presidential election was fair and yet rigged, whether Mr. Trump is the “most honest human being, perhaps, that God ever created”, the Swedish terror incident in 2017 that happened but never happened, who is more liberal between Bernie Sanders, Kamala Harris, and Tim Walz, and whether Mr. Trump was “very happy” and “fully agreed” with Tim Walz’s handling of the protests in Minnesota or whether Walz failed to act at all.
Topics for the third debate include how much money Mexico paid for the wall, why it’s better not to have legislation passed to address illegal immigration, how Hillary Clinton started the Obama birther conspiracy theory, whether Mr. Trump built his business from a small loan or a $200 million dollar inheritance, whether Mr. Trump should jail Hillary Clinton or allow her to go free, and whether Mr. Trump had ever said “lock her up” or not.
If necessary, there will be fourth debate dedicated to Donald Trump debating Donald Trump about crowd sizes and Mr. Trump explaining how audio and video footage of him is always faked.
There will also be a JD Vance debate scheduled, in which Mr. Vance will debate Mr. Vance on whether Trump is America’s Hitler or deserves sainthood, whether Trump’s a fraud or an honor to be around, whether Trump is leading the white working class to a very dark place, or into the light, and if Trump is reprehensible and an idiot, or praiseworthy and a genius.
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