Zumwalt Poems Online

Archive for February, 2025

THE FIRING HEARD ‘ROUND THE WORLD

In a political landscape where the entertainment factor often overpowers any sense of expected reality, the latest episode of governmental theater features none other than tech mogul Elon Musk and President Donald Trump. The duo’s latest escapade? A bureaucratic blunder of epic proportions that saw Musk inadvertently firing the President, only to hastily reinstate him.

It all began when Musk, after missing three days of sleep, dividing his time between stranding much-needed aid in route to save lives across the world and creating numerous offspring with multiple Ai-selected partners, doubled down on his efforts to implement total Government Efficiency

Armed with his signature blend of an annoying disposition and a chainsaw, Musk set out to further escalate his total trimming of governmental fat by focusing on those that didn’t respond to his demand of submitting a list of “five accomplishments this week” and those that appeared to have incorporated governmental fat into their own personal corporeal structure.

The ever-busy President Trump, always the multitasker, found himself entangled in a web of executive orders, golf games, and social media tirades. In the self-created chaos, he neglected to submit his accomplishment list to DOGE. True to his word, Musk, with the efficiency of an overzealous algorithm, identified the oversight and issued a termination notice. The nation was left in a state of bewilderment as the news broke: the President had been fired by his own appointee.

Upon further review, one of Musk’s DOGE members, 25 year-old Marko Elez, clarified that Trump’s termination wasn’t merely a clerical issue. Among the primary reasons cited: an “excessive dedication” to golf, spending more time in Florida than in Washington, and, most troubling, an apparent lack of support and loyalty for the President of the United States.

“I did a poll of my fans on X and, though I won’t disclose the results, many agreed to go with Marko’s decision on this.” Musk explained in a press conference from the Tesla Cyberbunker. “Not only did Trump spend 43% of his workday on the golf course, but he spent another 27% in Florida, which until very recently was a colony of Spain and bordered on a body of water called the ‘Gulf of Mexico.’ .And even more alarming, when I searched for any evidence of him supporting our President, I found that nothing he said really properly glorified or uplifted the President’s image.”

But it got worse. As Musk’s investigative team dug deeper, they uncovered shocking evidence that President Trump had been aggressively pushing a radical DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) agenda. “Frankly, we were stunned,” Musk admitted. “Trump has been hiring non-native-born Americans, like, well… me, for key positions. And his cabinet and advisory circle? Way too many women—Susie Wiles, Tulsi Gabbard, Pam Bondi, Kristi Noem, Brooke Rollins, Kelly Loeffler, and, of course, Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany. I mean, come on. Where’s the meritocracy?”

The report also revealed a suspiciously high number of African Americans in Trump’s orbit, including Scott Turner and Alice Marie Johnson, an alarming infiltration of Hispanics such as Marco Rubio and Lori Chavez-DeRemer, and even one person born to parents of immigrants from the Indian sub-continent. “This level of inclusivity is simply not what we expected,” Musk continued. “I had to double-check to make sure these appointments weren’t leftovers from the Biden administration.”

The White House scrambled to address the unprecedented situation. Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany, in a hastily arranged briefing, stated, “The President was momentarily relieved of his duties due to a clerical error. We assure the American people that this administrative hiccup has been resolved. And to clarify, President Trump has always been a strong supporter of President Trump. Also, his diverse hiring record was not DEI-related—he just likes people who flatter him.”

Musk, realizing the magnitude of his bureaucratic faux pas, took to his platform, X (formerly known as Twitter), to rectify the situation. “Oops! Looks like I accidentally fired @realDonaldTrump. Reinstating immediately. Note to self: remind POTUS to submit his TPS reports. Also, need to investigate this Marko Elez character. And remind President Trump that diversity is only good if it’s self-made billionaires. #AdminError,” he quipped.

The incident has sparked a flurry of memes and late-night monologues, with comedians dubbing Musk the “Accidental President” and Trump the “Commander-in-Leave.” Political analysts are left pondering the implications of a tech CEO wielding such unchecked power within the federal apparatus.

As the dust settles, one thing remains clear: in the age of Musk and Trump, the line between reality and entertainment continues to blur, leaving the nation amused, bemused and constantly confused by the antics of its leaders.

Category:

Satire

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Fifty Year Friday: January and February 1975

Slapp Happy & Henry Cow: Desperate Straights

Desperate Straights, released on February 21, 1975, is the first of two collaborative studio albums by British avant-rock groups Slapp Happy and Henry Cow. At first glance, these might appear as two rather divergent, though both progressive, ensembles to bring together, but the proof was in the final, vinyl pudding — this worked out nearly perfectly!

From the opening “Some Questions About Hats,” we are placed into a musicscape reminiscent of a German Cabaret with Dagmar Krause executing a delivery appropriate for Brecht/Weill material (think Three Penny Opera). Four more brilliant, short, and pithy songs follow, maintaining a playfully tongue-in-cheek mood. After this, we get the first of two instrumentals, the title track, reflective and a bit out of place with the preceding material. The last song on the first side sets us back on course, with its quirky chord changes and time signatures, upbeat mood, brevity, and general whimsy.

“Apes in Capes,” one of the several gems composed by pianist Anthony Moore, evokes the surreal nature of its title with a circus-waltz atmosphere. The arrangement supports the theatrical mood, as do the rhythmic contours provided for the syllables of the lyrics. The next song, “Strayed,” is reminiscent of Lou Reed and is the sole track delivered by guitarist Peter Blegvad. “Giants” is in reflective waltz-time with its always topical message, “Giants exist to deceive. They retreat if they’re clearly perceived,” and is followed by a quirky arrangement of part of Handel’s “He was Despised” aria from the Messiah, which amazingly fits into the overall mood of the album. The penultimate track is the poignantly haunting “In the Sickbay,” which tapers off, with its dying breaths, into the expressionist “Caucasian Lullaby,” a formidable, generally atonal work that, though not a natural fit for the general tone of the album, is so well composed and performed that we forgive it for any break with the album’s overall mood.

Overall, Desperate Straights endures as a successful exhibition of the creative synergy between Slapp Happy and Henry Cow, blending their unique styles into a cohesive and intriguing musical journey. The masterwork not only showcases their individual talents but also their remarkable ability to forge something truly original and captivating through collaboration.

George Washington Jr.: Mister Magic

I love the first track, and in general, like the entire album, which was released February 7th, 1975, ultimately climbing up the jazz charts to #1, the soul charts to #1, and perhaps even more remarkably, rising up to #10 on the po charts.

The main reason for calling out this album, though, is historical. Like it or not, this album is at least partly responsible for the launching of the smooth jazz genre of the 1970s, paving the way for even more popular albums like George Benson’s Breezin’ and Chuck Mangione’s Feels So Good.

Category:

Fifty Year Friday, jazz, Progressive Rock, Smooth Jazz

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